Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
