I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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