is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
