After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
