what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
