Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
