On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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