the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
