Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
