his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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