thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
