Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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