I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
