i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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