At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
