Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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