Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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