called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
