I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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