I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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