You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
