Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
