Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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