I just saw a hot homeless man
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
