I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
