I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Barsexuality is the new black.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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