This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i now understand why vodka
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
