i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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