Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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