He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
