Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
