I hate your face
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
