that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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