I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
