Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
