just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
