i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
