Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
