Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
