Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
