i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
