he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
