Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
