then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
