I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
