i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Randomize
