my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
