remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
