went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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