If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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