Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
