he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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