if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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