idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
