He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
